nathanael.ink

Sometimes I think that I don’t believe in myself, until I see someone else, and am befuddled with all the obstruction which seem to be between every which thought they attempt to think through. I also encounter the complex within myself, becoming frustrated that I could think so lowly of human beings, as I in fact do not feel they are worthless by any measure, and to think highly of them, I find myself wanting to think of myself as worthless(by instinct.)  But this too I cannot do with my full heart or full consciousness..

I’ve begun working out. Matt has a whole set thing, so I do a set, then read a chapter, then do a set, and read another chapter, and so forth. It’s quite the experience,  seems a fatal duo toward ignorance, in my opinion. I realized the my body is all I got here, and if I might like a woman who herself can demonstrate the regard for herself enough to maintain a healthy form, I too ought to demonstrate such self-regard. While I have never felt incapable in terms of my strength or, necessarily, my physical self.. I just decided, I want to be better, and it seems like a much better habit for after work than to sit and play video games.

I’m reading Srewtape Letters now, and recently purchased Mere Christianity as a gift to myself for finishing Screwtap Letters. also I have a website that works, and I consider by a domain name for it, but, I cannot decide. I am afraid of the ground which I may be planting my seeds.. while at the same time I am afraid of the realization of burying my talents.. so, I am quite at a loss.  until something tells me that I have no true talent, and then it makes this easier. and then harder when try to believe in God, in all in that implies.

also I think the uncategorized existences of myself and of some others has been categorized by others unlike ourselves, and for this I am.. disappointed. just as I am with “non-denominational” becoming a denomination. I am, quite bothered, that non-denominational can be said and accepted so easily as a denomination which one may or may not agree with(being from a denomination.) for that I too am, disappointed.

http://www.wix.com/nathanaelpw/music is music