nathanael.ink

what do we do alone?
who could know. the long thoughts as we shower, or that I love to drip dry,
and that tonight I stood for very long with the towel over my face, and it smelt like vacation. like hotel towels I guess. a strange sort of clean it is to shower in a hotel, then wrap in a sheet the body you just cleaned.. but no one could have known, if I did not write it now.

I hope that if I am married before I die, that in heaven, as I enter timelessness, I hope that I can watch my love’s life from the beginning. each moment, each tired and lonesome hour.
and what if there, God would permit me to live my life again, selecting moments to relive. but by then I would have known, that all is already stitched so ingeniously by Him. so as I enter back to my life, my everything would go back too, and so maybe I have lived this moment a hundred times already, but I might never know, for as I come and go from time to timeless, my whole entity goes with me, my full consciousness conforms. and perhaps in heaven I am asking God to go back to a moment, and He tells me I have been there a hundred times already, but I do not recall it. I wonder, if I would choose this moment. for any reason, perhaps just for the irony of it.
or, maybe none of it is as I think I will think it will be.
ahhh.