nathanael.ink

this is another night I’m not sure I’ll make it through.. I want so badly to share my joy with her.. not just the sorrow. For today there was joy, there was success, so I turned to tell her, and she was not there.. I turned to lift her up, but she was not to be lifted..

I turn back my own hand… keep praying. Keep praying. Keep praying.. praying not just for my own intent, hard to pray that God give her any good He has, even without me.. so hard to pray, so hard. So hard.. but I do it, hoping He will hear it, hoping He will help her… I truly feel now, potentially, exactly as she feels, to love that which will likely never love in return… but the fact that we had loved, makes us both think it’s possible again… keep looking for answers, but faced with the inevitable…

Oh how I could still love her… how I could foster every ounce again.. but the vanity of it. I would be equally mislead as she.. I must put into practice, that which I hoped so desperately she would practice.. to dislocate myself from what my heart is wanting… to release that which does not love me..