nathanael.ink

I’ve always said that drugs are for the faint
of mind, while god is for the strength
even the strongest need.
These days I remember that she is still
a drug I keep under my tongue to kill
the pain I anticipate to feel

in the morning when it is early
and all the lust I’ve let in is
just the push I needed to feel alone enough
to swallow it up.

She was the daily dose I gave myself to feel un-alone,
the peace I said to myself that I could have
if I just released my need to wonder
why and why…
why! on earth I felt she might never be honest with me…

I am not inclined to look forward to new love
but to cling to what I had, and demand that love
is what that was; thus I keep a slow pill always under my tongue.