nathanael.ink

some people i love are dead
i recall
just when i begin to hate my experience
my experience of lethargy
of apathy
of a cold cool depressive state
where i look through all of my belongings
and find nothing 

as some people i love are dead
so for them
there is no experience
none at all to wish they were not in
none to long for 
none even to recall

for me, at least, i think
i prefer this to that
i would rather crawl into a slow ball completely spent 
i would rather wring my hands in longing for
the faith i used to have
i would rather use all of my attention to ensure i am taking at least one more 
(and one more)
than not breathe at all
than give it all
than lose any possible chance to see again
someone that i love
and feel loved again 
by them