nathanael.ink

it never occurred to me as a child
that I could even hope for life to be enjoyable
I was primed
(accidentally groomed, one might say)
to hate being alive
to think that the only thing really worth being
is dead & with jesus after it
& in heaven where
being alive might actually be nice

it rarely occurs to me, even now,
that the greatest service I could do for GOD
is…

well I guess I’m not sure I just…
I’m just trying to be alive