nathanael.ink

when i was born the umbilical chord was wrapped around my neck three times
the doctor did a spin

i always wonder what did not oxygenate
in me, while it was happening
and if that is the reason
i am the way i am

or maybe it was the car accident
both our cabins rolled up with my plans
i was thrilled that we all survived
but made it was then

or maybe it the loss of my friend

or the time he smiled, toward the end, and i saw how few teeth he had left

or maybe it was the coffee we had
so raunch i had to spit it out – maybe he poisoned it

or maybe every time it is cloudy but doesn’t rain
my skin reacts and mutates my brain

maybe i am the way i am
because of my toes against the corner of the bed so many goddamn times
i think there are a lot of nerve endings in the toes

whatever the reason
i don’t know why it matters so much to you

here i am
after all
here i am