i’ve never written songs
or poems
to remember them
i write to forget
and rediscover them

a song
on a thousand speakers at different times
one thing
one song
whatever makes it only one
is the way my soul is
maybe a pattern
put it on paper
all you need is
a body
to sing
my soul
again

just celebrate
that in its reading
this person’s need
for being seen
has been met

you must do nothing now
to compromise this
for them

and for you
when you are needing to be seen
you will always be free
to find a poem
no one else likes
and you will both be better for it

loved beautifully
and she too
__________beautifully
and whatever got undone
did it’s job
like a shoe string never meaning to stay so
knotted
we wrapped up beautifully
and unwound__________ten years
of string tightening
never fraying just
strangling
________and marriage counseling
and the heroin of believing
we could last forever
has its withdrawals but anyone who would forgo it
has never tried it

comfortable the way self hatred is comfortable
the way self harm helps
reconnect my skin to my soul
I see her and I know
I want her but in the same comfortable way

this is where i am
and there is a fight
some people want me to have
with myself
and i won’t have it
not anymore
not just right now
but maybe not ever
I’m okay
in every single way
and the tension they want in me
that they see
I don’t
I won’t see
I’m just one. me in
unity

which is worse to endure?
your lifelong friend taking his life
or the love of one’s life just taking it from you?
both are forever deads
just one is literal
the other cosmological
astronomical and fucking unbearable
one gets a proper funeral
both win constant reminders
one mouth still moves to blame you
the other mouth is in your head
and it fucking blames you too

we are about to find out
in the absolute treasure of my life