nathanael.ink

My love and me
unlike wildflowers at midday with halos on a hillside
while still of no particular color
or adorned with any or all the colors of flowers there could be
we are unlike smiling wildflowers one sights mid-drive
though to see us together still may sparkle one’s eye
and open a door for the rest of one’s day
to enter happy thoughts of wildflowers lit at midday

my love and I are unlike wildflowers
even though wildflowers and we sometime both share
wild uncanny spaces one does not expect to see
wildflowers all blooming in heaps of sunlight
or wildflowers expounding the idea that the earth
sometimes bares some unprecedented rewards
which comes in such multiplicity
and sometimes strange weeds
and sometimes roses and sometimes sunflowers and tulips, my love and I

are not here for the season
and gone the next

Don’t let it out
Don’t let me in

It is to share land
But build a separate house

Lay back down my ugly craning
clown neck
And try to deserve the sun again

It’s not about me. It’s not about me. Its not about you. Its not about me.
Overthink the little things, who cares, let me ponder away small portions of my brain, sure, but.
When i ask you of love… the time it takes, the thoughts you must think
.. they are the widest red lines between what it is and what it is not.  I’d say that is what it truly is to overthink..
On this side of heaven, of knowledge, of understanding, we know
that love is a choice. Or at least, we best understand it as such. A commitment.  Because without those, when we do actually begin to discover what love is, we would run from it. Its sad to only have one word for it, for i liken it to a race: it is a start line, it is the ability to run, and it is the goal set ahead… and it is the commitment to do all of those things…

“oh my darling
this is getting harder
the world is growing smaller
everyday

oh my darling your memory slowly fading
i know i keep complaining but
i’m not as strong as i was…”
-noah gundersen. San antonio fading.

I feel exactly this song. As if thats important these days. What i feel? What you feel? Who cares really. Just feelings. Always passing, never staying. Never resting or settling in.. I’m so incredibly frustrated. A deep irritant under my skin .. can’t scratch it out,  cant itch enough at it … don’t you have a voice? Don’t you want any particular way? “Well fine, either way, either way is fine with me” well, have you nothing to fight for?
Have you now nothing to want… no..no i suppose not.