Don’t let it out
Don’t let me in
It is to share land
But build a separate house
-
-
In poetic language I hear us often speak
banter upon banter of what we could not
convey with little human wordsso stanzas pass with very little said.
We let little words spray the page
…little words to trace the wayto my saying she is diamonds
each a hundred thousand cut
casing her incandescentsoul. To see her, my word, is to see her
turning perfect light
into multicolor skies. I…I want this light
I want these skies
for the rest of my life.Lo, who is speaking with words again?
I am but pointing at, unbelievable, divine things
recalling how words betray me likewhen I said she shines bright
but meant just to be painting ebullient rainbows
that fill up canvas nights with technicolored auroras; pouring out of her self…when I said she was beautiful
but meant just
look at her. -
Lay back down my ugly craning
clown neck
And try to deserve the sun again -
Did you know yo…
Did you know you were alone
when we all told you not
When I’m alone
I find I relate best to myself.What you knew is that I was not.
However it comes out:
I slowly know I am not enough… -
Overthought
It’s not about me. It’s not about me. Its not about you. Its not about me.
Overthink the little things, who cares, let me ponder away small portions of my brain, sure, but.
When i ask you of love… the time it takes, the thoughts you must think
.. they are the widest red lines between what it is and what it is not. I’d say that is what it truly is to overthink..
On this side of heaven, of knowledge, of understanding, we know
that love is a choice. Or at least, we best understand it as such. A commitment. Because without those, when we do actually begin to discover what love is, we would run from it. Its sad to only have one word for it, for i liken it to a race: it is a start line, it is the ability to run, and it is the goal set ahead… and it is the commitment to do all of those things… -
it’s funny when I first found this song.
the season was so different than it is now.. such of love and early mornings…
it’s strange to feel it now.. the lyrics are present, but the feel is.. where it was. almost enough to frustrate me, but, mostly just infinitely strange.. -
Either way
“oh my darling
this is getting harder
the world is growing smaller
everydayoh my darling your memory slowly fading
i know i keep complaining but
i’m not as strong as i was…”
-noah gundersen. San antonio fading.I feel exactly this song. As if thats important these days. What i feel? What you feel? Who cares really. Just feelings. Always passing, never staying. Never resting or settling in.. I’m so incredibly frustrated. A deep irritant under my skin .. can’t scratch it out, cant itch enough at it … don’t you have a voice? Don’t you want any particular way? “Well fine, either way, either way is fine with me” well, have you nothing to fight for?
Have you now nothing to want… no..no i suppose not. -
Lion Inside
There is a lion in me… it is stronger than me… but it is me
-
this is another…
this is another night I’m not sure I’ll make it through.. I want so badly to share my joy with her.. not just the sorrow. For today there was joy, there was success, so I turned to tell her, and she was not there.. I turned to lift her up, but she was not to be lifted..
I turn back my own hand… keep praying. Keep praying. Keep praying.. praying not just for my own intent, hard to pray that God give her any good He has, even without me.. so hard to pray, so hard. So hard.. but I do it, hoping He will hear it, hoping He will help her… I truly feel now, potentially, exactly as she feels, to love that which will likely never love in return… but the fact that we had loved, makes us both think it’s possible again… keep looking for answers, but faced with the inevitable…
Oh how I could still love her… how I could foster every ounce again.. but the vanity of it. I would be equally mislead as she.. I must put into practice, that which I hoped so desperately she would practice.. to dislocate myself from what my heart is wanting… to release that which does not love me..
-
I have found th…
I have found those in this life who matter most
and divided my heart accordingly
portioned out
now therefore the best men
by the end will have very little heart left to give
and He will have to be enough
for us both
nathanael.ink 