it all is around
and you wonder why you cannot stop
obstinate
obstinate
your teeth in your forearm
your heels digging in
I won’t help you
I cannot
lose someone
again to this

the next thing I want to watch die
is my own crabby pair of hands at one hundred and five

I won’t be here to watch
an alcoholic spread
it’s not a thread to just tie up
instead, this is the only evidence you have been forced to see
evidence of your entire life whaling
in a turbulent sea of pretense and false beliefs
that there are no beasts beneath

yourself a kind of stoic saint, you think
you mock our brittle hearts that scream
all the while it’s you
and
and I cannot hold you the way I want to
the way I would if I was GOD

what I know
is that not knowing what you’re feeling
is not the same as having none

you are purchased every time that you deny
the entire world alive inside
inside you
floods of needs and feeling words
you’ll find alcohol does not shut them up
it just plugs your ears so you’re even less aware…
which is how, in the first place,
we got here