nathanael.ink

it’s antelope canyon
i like the ridges on the walls and the lines and the light coming in
i can’t touch where i want
it’s a dead end
my antelope canyon
it’s dead me and knees and elbows
i don’t know that i have autism
the pressure of the coats
the yellow cars i crawled up on
and bins and boxes

sing me i’m horrible
i am twelve
i used to be a criminal
twenty years parole
i killed Esau and then Isaac
grown men
i believe them

god peers at the lines
sheered stacks of paper
i had a face before
i am twelve and on the floor
it’s a houseful of love
to tell me
sing me horrible, wretched
prisoner
i am a twelve year old prisoner
i believe them
it’s all because of me
everything

“you are the common denominator”
of all of the worlds suffer
to fall short of any
is to be as bad as me

i do though, i do still hear god
i’m just very very low
failing to shimmy up the narrow