nathanael.ink

nathanael.ink

  • Poetry
  • Art
  • Blog
  • Books
  • Contact
  • December 11, 2022

    10

    “We start as small as me,
    we grow as tall as oak, “
    I lean in,
    “we’ll hurt so much forever
    and then grow old.”

    All the four year olds
    don’t know what I mean
    they’ll see
    we hurt so much forever
    then, one day, are seen.

  • December 10, 2022

    why I don’t care how much a poem changes during the editing processes

    the poem has already done what I set for it to do
    for me // now all I am wondering is if it can do anything
    for you

  • December 7, 2022

    kinetic sand at the preschool

    a star on the kinetic sand snowman is everything
    the year they will spend with me is 20% of their entire life
    the next five minutes then, even
    is so much more to them than it could ever be to me
    the challenge then, is to let it be
    the star on the snowman is everything

  • December 1, 2022

    kind of person

    the kind of person who does not like themselves
    who does not enjoy spending time with themselves

    will almost certainly not like you
    you who are the kind of person
    who likes spending time
    with just the kind of person
    they do not like

  • November 27, 2022

    at the ER because you binged again

    it all is around
    and you wonder why you cannot stop
    obstinate
    obstinate
    your teeth in your forearm
    your heels digging in
    I won’t help you
    I cannot
    lose someone
    again to this

    the next thing I want to watch die
    is my own crabby pair of hands at one hundred and five

    I won’t be here to watch
    an alcoholic spread
    it’s not a thread to just tie up
    instead, this is the only evidence you have been forced to see
    evidence of your entire life whaling
    in a turbulent sea of pretense and false beliefs
    that there are no beasts beneath

    yourself a kind of stoic saint, you think
    you mock our brittle hearts that scream
    all the while it’s you
    and
    and I cannot hold you the way I want to
    the way I would if I was GOD

    what I know
    is that not knowing what you’re feeling
    is not the same as having none

    you are purchased every time that you deny
    the entire world alive inside
    inside you
    floods of needs and feeling words
    you’ll find alcohol does not shut them up
    it just plugs your ears so you’re even less aware…
    which is how, in the first place,
    we got here

  • November 26, 2022

    scientific ego death

    looking close enough, we know
    none of our atoms touch

    and you
    imagining
    independence

    trip into noticing
    a human kindness
    how we are all atoms
    of some universal being

    and we are only ever not touching
    in the silly scientific way that nothing is

  • November 21, 2022

    when I search your name online

    when I search your name online
    it doesn’t give me chills
    or turn my stomach anymore
    my skin doesn’t crawl
    my hair etherized

    when I search your name online
    I don’t worry what I’ll see
    or whose face will live so near to yours
    a dazzling silver ring
    a coffin full of love

    when I search your name online
    no one else even comes up
    _________________anymore
    you ran across the world
    you always said you would

    and when you search mine
    the way I practice all the time
    you’ll see me
    and say nothing

  • November 7, 2022

    sad is my favorite feeling & home

    safe
    & comfortable, it sounds so
    familiar

    there isn’t anything I would do to be free
    I keep making
    I kept making
    kept making so much space
    now all I am
    is an empty tank

    my brain unwraps
    when I’m happy then
    a sad song on the radio
    hails back the cab

    I don’t like to be away
    I just don’t want to die
    or be taken completely
    I want to be happy

    happy
    & home

  • October 23, 2022

    AI art workflow [example]

    (made for my creative community group)

    brainstorming in Midjourney

    (that’s a different project at the bottom.. I do a fair bit simultaneously tbh)

    trying new terms

    trying in DALL-E2 to see what I get

    realized I wanted to explore how I relate to Christ, to see myself in Him just as a way of exploring the idea of being made in GOD’s image the idea of being the body of Christ

    I liked the hair from one image but the face of another so I bring them into photoshop [not pictured] to combine the two.

    (don’t have any photoshop pictures because I didn’t save the file, I tend to work quick and sorta scrappy, I just combined them, exported a png and plugged it into DALL-E2 to work with)

    here you can see me trying again to see if DALL-E2 can do anything better with the hair lol.

    Notice how the “original” image has the hair erased which tells DALL-E it can only work in that empty space. It then gives me four options to choose from.

    by this point I’d combined the hair in photoshop myself and was trying to expand the canvas downward.

    Again, you can see that I’m erasing while expanding.

    DALLE-2 only technically works in squares so you sorta fenagle it, leaving in just enough parts of the image you already have in order to influence the style, then erasing parts you want it to generate.

    here’s me finding the image I liked. I was struck because it looked like Judas to me and I loved the idea of exploring that relationship.

    I interpreted it as Judas turning his back on Christs divinity. Which was already an idea I’d been exploring elsewhere. I forget the exact text prompts I was using but I was trying a lot of words like “atonement, divinity, saints” etc

    just an example of the sea of options and choices

    me finding first part of the lower half I liked

    exploring variations

    again just an example of deleting parts, adding prompts, and expanding the canvas downward.

    [I then have to take these and merge them together in photoshop like little puzzle pieces] NOTE: DALLE-2 can merge/extend them sort of too in their workflow but it’s sometimes feels more limiting to me.

    then I translate it onto big slabs of cardboard using a projector. I find the cardboard around the city on my walks. This was a big Samsung TV box I found and I liked the idea that it was made to carry a television (something that displays content and drowns us in advertisements/consumerism) and repurposing it to tell its own story, display and carry it’s own meaning and message. Also the relationship between the saints being themselves inside this consumerist product packaging, looking up at Christ who is ALSO packaged in it, and that this package is literally undone and opened up, etc.

    I have more than a dozen of these so far but they aren’t posted anywhere online rn. if you want to follow this endeavor at all the best way is currently just my natanai.art instagram or the website which I haven’t been updating either..

  • October 19, 2022

    every every minute

    /
    Ilove you so
    still.

    //
    It is the seasons change you feel
    which you confuse for
    for me.

    /
    I protest I □□□□ never-
    theless the…
    □□□□□□□□ The seasons are not in motion?
    See my loving you
    in their always going
    notice them
    like the satan forth and back from GOD
    jockeying for permission □□□ for
    for the next evil
    of GOD’s season
    season seasoning.

    Do not think
    I could not always be in
    feeling □□□ they are changing.
    Just because we have given them four names…
    I could break them
    up up as evidence.

    Just past five hundred thousand
    alphabetical, every minute,
    I scrawl them out □□ sending you
    □□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□ sending proof
    so that you will always be assured □□ finally
    finally
    assured
    even in it
    in lack of faith and
    tradition.
    I do
    I do love you I
    and to prove.
    I will make sure the seasons are changing
    names alphabetical
    Aacra to Barnaby
    Rosemary, Serendipity
    I will find the words
    Tarist Thorn, Timid Tom
    name them
    all of them
    name them.
    Find them.
    You will see the seasons
    can always be changing
    changing
    Wallis to Yuko
    changing in me.

Previous Page
1 … 7 8 9 10 11 … 31
Next Page
 

Loading Comments...
 

    • Subscribe Subscribed
      • nathanael.ink
      • Join 73 other subscribers
      • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
      • nathanael.ink
      • Subscribe Subscribed
      • Sign up
      • Log in
      • Report this content
      • View site in Reader
      • Manage subscriptions
      • Collapse this bar